PRECURSOR: This is going to be one to look back on. I’m going to address a lot of what’s inevitably on my mind as of this moment, shamelessly running the risk of my exposing my inner opinions.
There are currently 4 quarters to my life at the moment:
FAMILY: As I grow more and more, I can see just how wise my older sisters/parents really are. What amazes me is that it’s not a matter of their gaining knowledge over time- they’ve always been this smart… I’ve only just barely began to acknowledge it in my own terms. It’s bittersweetly humbling. I have to be able to remind myself how incapable I am of pushing my limitations all at once; I need to attain my balance so that I can not only maintain my grades or respect, but to also not get ahead of myself and be more strict with my focus. My sister pointed out something really eye-opening recently and I doubt it’ll be leaving me anytime soon; “you have to help me take care of Jalen, not have our mom and I take care of you”. My irresponsibility and lack of balance has once again caused me to be sick, and that worries my fam like no other. I don’t know why I lose sight of their advice when I’m at school or working on music… but like my vocal coach told me; “you have to know your limitations. push them, not tackle.” I find it within my duty as a son, brother, cousin, and uncle to make my family proud and feel as if I’m reliable enough to handle my own petty stupidity so I can help them be happy. It’s 1/100,000,000th of what they’ve done for me. I’m 20 f**king years old– they shouldn’t be worrying about me as much as I make them, especially when it’s perfectly within my grasp to provide reassurance.
SCHOOL: The good point of this is that I feel more like a nerd than ever. Japanese art history is one of my favorite subjects because of how humorously applicable to videogames it is. I feel as if the one purely positive turning point I’ve made since the last school quarter is that I now know how to fit in studying a bit more snugly into my schedule, as well as actually maintain/enjoy what I learn. The perspective that I’ve taught myself is that if I can’t focus on learning about the aggregate demand and supply of a domestic firm, or how to pinpoint a writer’s take on irony in 500 words, then how would I be able to focus on learning the proper positioning for projecting the bridge for Anthony Hamilton – Dear Life? My ability to focus in school is parallel to my focus on what I love to do. So hell, why not love school. Nerd is in, and it just feels so damn good knowing everything your professor throws at you and correcting them when they mess up.
MUSIC: Two words: Leaps & bounds. Never before did I think whatever ounce of creativity I had in my brain would spark 3-4 fully arranged original songs in the course of 3 days (of course, with the help of my talented-ass batch of hustlers). It feels good. Bookings and gigs are popping up in places I used to think were only pipe dreams; UC San Francisco, UC San Diego, UC Davis, UC Riverside, high schools from the bay to san diego and everywhere in between, and Hollywood. I’m ridiculously blessed to have even 2 people compliment the music that I cover, write, perform, and even rough draft. The ball is really beginning to roll, and I’m going to do my part in getting that avalanche started. In all airheaded honesty, I have a feeling that’s not the difficult part- what I’m more concerned with is how that will test my mental and physical endurance. Meeting / hearing / motivating all the other artists that are now considered a part of my music family has been a huge blessing to absorb- there’s a fellowship among people who love to do what they do, no matter what skill level. I’m amazed at how much talent can be packed into one area, and how I’m able to hold my own among them. Being in the booth last week at the Soul Deep studio (aka Glenn’s sexy condo) for the first time was probably one of the most invigorating and uplifting experiences of my life. To an outsider, I was pretty much alone in a closet lined with sponges and old track jackets who mimicked a valley girl singing in her dropped-top mustang. But to me, I was evoking the most intense feelings I’ve ever felt by translating my takes on love, sex, rejection, religion, jealousy, and longing into 2 verses, a hook, and a bridge. I don’t want it to ever stop. I want to be heard because it’s the one thing I feel like I have the potential to be damn good at. I want to be successful doing something I love. Successful, not famous. ‘Cause I find success in inspiring other people- whether its inspiring to try out guitar, asking their crush out, embracing the fact that they miss someone, to dance, and to be inspired to reach for the top of that shelf.
ROMANCE: Haha, this is the most zombified part of my life. Needless to say, I miss having a girlfriend that I’m obligated to give status and location reports to every hour. It’s funny when people ask me how things are going with girls and they give me a surprised face when I say “bleh”. I’ve had my fair share of psychotic girls and the interesting girls that tend to look perfect on paper but have a propensity for not taking hints and/or knowing what they want. I’ve been duly traumatized by my past relationships with good reason (both due to my actions and the trick’s). It’s not getting to me too badly yet- I like the single life productivity and room for self-improvement. Hopefully the lady of my future appreciates how many times I’ve gone over my past mistakes so I that don’t make them with her. In the meantime… to any girl that I may be currently crushing on or will be within the year: please realize that I’m flirting with you because I dig you, not because I want to be in love with you. Stop taking me so seriously.
all in all, I’m hoping my 4 quarters actually make me a dollar this year–
I’m not about to be chump change.
Love&Light,
-Kris
KM
