**Leave it up to to a cold Valentine’s day, a hot shower, sprinkled with the end of a busy week to spur some deep self-thought.
After some hardcore BioSci and Stats studying, I jumped in the shower and took a long and warmer-than-normal shower. I felt myself entering a state of mental turmoil the moment I stopped to think about my after-college future. Granted I do pretty well in my classes from here on out, (which, is a total can-be-done situation… with a lil’ priority allocation.) I STILL have absolutely no idea what’s in store for me even with my major in mind.
Although that realization sounds like the setup for a bleak and whiny blog, I’ve learned to analyze situations in a formulaic manner; the positives first, then the questionable second. My good friend and mentor, Glenn Clancy, always reminds me “you have to understand what you’re good at, and come to terms with what you’re not.” in order to improve at anything in life. So with that in mind, I’m going to just jot down feedback for myself as a college student and how I’m preparing for my future:
It’s been increasingly easier for me to take charge of my tasks, when I really apply myself to do so. I’m progressively getting better at working under pressure and in time frames, and doing so with a clear mind. I’m becoming relatively tech savvy and pick up faster when it comes to learning useful saught-after resumé traits, whether it has to do with studio mic setup, spreadsheets in Excel, notetaking in Word, editing video in iMovie, Final Cut Pro, Garageband, audio in Logic Pro, ProTools, pictures in Photoshop and other media-based progs… and I may have the time to work with more Creative Suite stuff soon too. Bottom line, I take pride in the fact that I’m a versatile learner and can easily adjust to tasks that are thrown at me.
now, onto the downsides:
I’m a reject music major turned [emphasis on:] “aspiring” literary journalism major with no veritable background in writing. I have little to no work experience ’cause I don’t necessarily count a short vacation job working at a filipino bakery in Las Vegas as work experience. lol. It’s also tough for me to assert myself in situations that call for it. I’m not tastefully pushy when it would be useful for me to become so when interacting with another person, and that can really hinder my ability to get where I need to be. Due to my medical condition, its going to be hard for me to work long hours, in certain environments. I don’t necessarily excel at any given trait or talent–which is something that would really help in the asscrack of a competitive economy we have today.
After taking all of these things into consideration, it really just begs the question of “what is it I ultimately hope to attain after college?” and “would it even have anything to do with my major?”
I HAVE NO IDEA.
the only thing factual is that I have music as an anchor. it’s something I ultimately hope I can attribute most of my life to, but with the realistic senses that I have, I don’t want to rely on making a LIVING off of it. it’s a passion, not something I want to force into a breadwinning career like I would with reporting journalism or something to do with media. I want to take music classes to enjoy learning- guitar to better understand the musicality- singing to just feel good. not stress out trying to be the best in class so it’ll look good for someone to give me a job for it later.
-sigh. I’d like to think this is all just a matter of temporarily manifesting the average college student woes. People I trust and respect frequently reassure me that I have the capability to be a good leader and won’t have trouble getting what I want out of my life after college… but my problem is that I’m completely oblivious as to what it is I need to get off my ass and shoot for.
Oh well, I just gotta pull back and realize this is all under the assumption that I finish college to begin with.
Thus, I pull myself back to the present, and proudly conclude that I’m clean and I smell good now.
Love&light.
